


When You Feel So Tired (But You Can't Sleep)

by Latch4life



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Partners to Lovers, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-27 05:57:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20943440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Latch4life/pseuds/Latch4life
Summary: Welp, I’m back with a hearty dose of angst. Inspired by current events, but please suspend reality and put them in a hotel instead of buses after the first show.Please let me know what you think down below. I’m currently undecided if this will be a standalone or a series. Let’s see how the rest of this tour goes..





	When You Feel So Tired (But You Can't Sleep)

She glanced at the bedside clock, noting that it was well past 2am and she was still wide awake. She had been staring at the same page in her book for the last thirty minutes, her eyes still glazed with tears, her thoughts a mess. The first show had gone seamlessly, and despite there being 28 more, she knew they were one day closer to goodbye.

She had been so excited for this tour, for the opportunity to work with Guillaume Cote. She had been so excited to push things further on the ice, bringing along Birds of Bellwoods, and so many of their friends. She had never expected things to change like this.

How had this gone from the first Rock the Rink to their farewell tour so suddenly?

She knew they'd retire and that Beijing wasn't in the cards. She knew that their days together would be fewer, as he pursued coaching and his new relationship and whatever else it was he did when he wasn't working. She knew she'd pursue more opportunities and school, but she always thought that they'd return home. To the ice.

She had made sure to pick classes for next semester that would allow for shows in Asia. She had been looking at contracts for other appearances and shows across Canada.

And now...it was over.

He had made his choice.

He had put a ring on someone else's finger and decided that he couldn't marry someone else and still skate with her.

She knew why. He had told her through tears that he needed to close the door on their skating. Because he still loved her; he'd always love her.

It was the most honest he had been with her in nearly a year. He had cried and wrapped his arms around her as he broke down against her neck. He had whispered that he loved her too much to keep doing this.

But he was hurt, and he needed to move on.

He wanted to be faithful to his future wife, and he knew he couldn't do that if they were still skating. Even if they didn't cave physically, she knew the feelings would never go away completely. And so did he.

She had felt it tonight on the ice as he pulled her towards him. She could feel the way he clung to her a little longer than he needed to, the way he smiled at her at center ice. She was his home on the ice, but off the ice, he was ready to create a new home.

They'd never be the same. They couldn't be.

For twenty two years, it had been Tessa and Scott, everyone else a third-wheel to their friendship, their partnership, their relationship. Now, she'd be the third wheel. Someone else would come before her in his life... And the thought was killing her.

She wiped away a fresh round of tears, closing the book and staring at the ceiling. She prayed for sleep, to escape reality for a few hours, but she knew it wouldn't come.

A soft knock at the door shook her from her thoughts and she padded across the room, wiping away her errant tears and smoothing down her hair. There was only one person who would be knocking at her door at 2am. A quick glance through the peep hole confirmed her suspicions, and she breathed a deep steadying breath before opening the door.

"Scott."

"Hey kiddo," He smiled weakly, his eyes rimmed red, his hair sticking up in every direction. "Couldn't sleep either, eh?"

"Yeah," She shrugged, gesturing for him to come in before closing the door behind him. "It's been a struggle lately."

He sighed, lifting a hand to run through his hair before rubbing at the back of his neck. She wondered if his fiancee knew that was one of his biggest tells when he was nervous or looking for words. "So what's up Virtch?" He tried desperately, laughing and shaking his head awkwardly before moving across the room to sit on the edge of the bed. "I miss you already."

"We still have two months," She shrugged, screaming on the inside. He made this decision to ruin them. "Why are you here, Scott?"

"I...don't know." He admitted, the life sinking from him as he let out a deep exhale. "This just doesn't feel like real life."

"It's the life you want, though." She whispered, tears choking to spill already.

"I know," He sighed, burying his face in his hands. "It's what I have to do." She sat next to him on the edge of the bed, close enough to touch but not doing so. "I'm a mess, Tessa."

"I know," She smiled, meeting his eyes before looking away, her heart cracking. He used to be her mess.

"I shouldn't have come here, I just...I needed you."

She needed him, too. More than anything, she wanted his arms around her. No matter how bad things were in her life, there was one pair of arms in which she could find solace. And now they were pushing her away. 

He stood up, making his way across the room towards the door. "Scott, wait."

"No, Tess, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come." 

She stepped towards him, her arms snaking around his torso as she rested her chin against his shoulder, just the way they had a million times before. He immediately relaxed into her embrace, his nose brushing her cheek, breathing in the distinctly Tessa smell. His eyes fluttered closed, his heart instinctively syncing to hers. His warm hands slid up and down her bare arms, warming her, soothing her as she began to quiver, her tears soaking the material of his Moir's T-shirt.

They stayed like that for what may have been hours or days or years. Just holding each other and crying. Crying for what they had, what they had been, and what they never would be.

Finally, she pulled back, a heavy sigh on her lips as he pressed his forehead to hers, his eyes closed as he breathed her in. This was when things got dangerous. This right here was why they had to end this.

"You should go, Scott." She whispered, the quiver in her voice betraying her words.

"Let me stay," He sighed, gently kissing her forehead. "Just let me lay next to you tonight. Nothing more."

"Okay...Just this once," She smiled softly, her heart fluttering wildly in her chest. This shouldn't happen and she knew it, but even Superman had his Kryptonite and hers just happened to be a moody, five foot eight ice dancer with a pointy nose and fluffy hair.

Wordlessly they climbed into bed, each settling onto their respective sides without a second thought. She wondered if he always slept on the left when he was with Jackie. The light was flipped off and she felt his fingers entwine with hers beneath the sheets. "Thank you for holding my hand for a few more months," He whispered. 

Her fingertips traced his fingers, feeling the still bare skin of his ring finger. Soon enough, someone else's ring would be there. The thought made her nauseous, so she pushed it aside, sliding her hand from his and rolling onto her side.

Without a word, he was behind her, spooning her, their bodies fitting together the way they always had. He held her tight, his lips gently brushing a bare shoulder. "G'night, kiddo."

It wasn't long before he drifted off to sleep, his arms around her in the darkness, his breath soft, warm, and even against the back of her neck. Suddenly, she was fifteen years old again, wrapped in his arms for one of the first times as she cried after a particularly rough day at practice. 

_ "Don't cry, kiddo. Marina was just in one of her moods today," He hugged her awkwardly, his voice cracking. He had come by with bags of her favorite candy and a stack of DVDs to cheer her up. After "When Harry Met Sally" and an oversized bag of Sour Patch Kids, they were cuddled up in her twin sized bed, his arms around her. "I'll always be here for you," He whispered as he drifted off to sleep, and she believed him. _

She could feel him slip into a deeper sleep, shifting slightly and pulling her closer. Then she was taken back to a night at nineteen in Gothenberg, his arms around her again, his lips against her neck, his chest bare and his breathing steady. He hadn't been her first that night, but he had been the first - the only - to matter.

_"We probably shouldn't have done that," She giggled, nestling further into his embrace, her naked body fitting against his in ways she had only dreamed. "We can't let it mess up our skating."_

_"It won't, kiddo." He grinned, pressing his lips against her forehead. This was before rivalries and drama, before scars littered her calves, before things were complicated. "No matter what happens, Tess. We've got it all." _

She sighed, feeling his hands tighten on her in his sleep, pulling her closer. It was 2013 and things weren't great, personally or professionally, yet they were addicted to each other.

_ "God, T." He groaned, his fingers digging into her hipbones as he pushed her against the lockers, unable to get enough of her after one particularly intense practice session. His lips crashed against hers, their mouths and bodies pushing and pulling and gasping and crushing until neither of them could take it anymore, exploding into each other. _

_"You make me insane," He husked against her ear. "You make me want everything I can't have." _

She rolled over slightly, taking in the sight of him in the dimly lit room. The moonlight danced across his cheeks and his jawline, his goofy eyebrows, soft hair, and those lips. God, she missed his lips. She then found herself longing for 2017, for Montreal, for their comeback period.

_"Sundays are my favorite," She purred, snuggling into his embrace as they lounged in her plush bed. He has woken her with kisses and they had lazily made love, their new favorite way to wake up on Sunday mornings. It was their off day from training, but they'd joke that they always made sure to get their cardio in. _

_"You're my favorite." He grinned in that boyish way she loved so much, his chin resting on her collarbone as her drank her in with his eyes. "I love you, Tessa Virtue. Always." _

Unable to resist, she lifted a hand, running it through his hair. He smiled in his sleep, eyes lazily fluttering as his leg slid between hers, drawing her closer. "Love you T," He murmured through sleepy lips.

"Love you Scott." She whispered tearfully, leaning forward to brush her lips against his ever-so-softly. "Always."

Two more months. 

At least they had that. 

Two more months until their worlds changed forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, thank you for reading! Please comment what you think!


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